Pre-Surgery Pep Talk Appointment

Well…. Down to the wire now. I had a pre-surgery appointment with the civilian doctors this morning first thing. I’m having the bones in one of my feet basically scraped clean then fused together because of osteomyelitis. A serious infection that just can’t be killed with antibiotics alone.

It’s actually a bit hilarious. When doctors find out what I do for a living (the male doctors that is. Female doctors just say — well that’s nice for you) the male doctors spend a crazy amount of time during the exam appointments just talking with me about guns or knives. Hahahahahaha. I think we touched briefly about what to expect when they start carving on the bones in my foot this week, what kind of pain to expect, when can I get back to work ?

That’s what started it all this morning. I asked how soon I can be back to work. Doc says that depends on what you do for a living…. Then I started telling him. He called in another doctor who’s into guns also…. And that’s how the rest of the visit went this morning. I said I build guns and make ammunition for a living. Both doctors asked where did I work ? I told them and the one doctor said “Wow. I’ve heard about you.” Hopefully it’s all good stuff Doc.” He said it certainly was.

As a result of this conversation and their fascination with what I do…. I now have an ironclad guarantee from both surgeons that they will make sure I’m good to go. In fact, one of the operating surgeons said that he has a couple of old guns he wants me to look at for him as soon as I’m up to the task. Heck yeah, Doc. No problem ! As soon as you clear me to go back to the shop, I can take a good look at your toys and see what I can do to get you back in business with them.

So the first Doc tells me that he can prescribe Percocet for any pain I might have after the surgery. Well Doc…. Is that stuff pretty addictive ? Yes it is. Well Boss I’ll just suck it up and deal with it. The pain that is. I don’t need anything that might sideline me from my work. They don’t give the license I have to just any schmuck off the street, and I don’t want to run the risk of jeopardizing what I do. I mean — I get paid to play with guns, fire and heat, welders and machinery all day. They don’t let dope fiends do that stuff.

Both doctors were saying heck yeah ! We approve ! Apparently most of their patients are like “Give me the pills Doc”. Nope. I’m still a Marine, I’ll deal with it. Maybe I got Brownie Points this morning with the full swimming pool of testosterone flooding the clinic…. But I know if I’m a hurting puppy after the fact — I can call the pharmacist and cry to them that I’m hurting — send me SOMETHING— ANYTHING up to and including a hammer to whack me over the head with to put me temporarily out of my misery.

Women of course will NEVER understand that this is a guy thing…. We MUST a maintain our rugged masculinity at all costs no matter what. This is a MAN thing we do for the benefit of being in the presence of other men. Remember that movie remake “Planet of the Apes ?” The line where the main character says “Apes Together Are Strong” ? Yeah well, that same thing applies to men despite how the modern world tries to portray us. Right now I might be saying Heck yeah Doc, I can tough it out…. But later on I’m thinking oh Good Lord knock me out and give me something to numb my brain so I don’t have to secretly cry like a baby because this shit hurts SOOOOO badly.

Say what you want about the modern world — but dang it I’m an old school barbarian and I’m going to talk it up brave as heck in front of other dudes. ‘‘Tis but a scratch ! Have at thee ! Come back here — I’ll bite your ankles if I must. Cowards ! (Shades of Monte Python’s Holy Grail here). You might laugh — but this “man stuff” is serious business. You don’t spend an hour talking to your surgical doctors about building guns and forging knives on a hot forge fire and then say “Yes, please. I will indeed have a bottle of pain killers because secretly I’m soft inside.” You spin the tales of hot sparks flying off the anvil as you pound the steel into submission to build your blades — or talk about peeling back layers of steel stock in a lathe until you arrive at the dimension of the gun barrel you made from a blank of metal. You basically beat your chest and roar — then hope nobody has the balls to call you out on the basic story. Hahahahahaha.

Heck yeah ! I’m a guy and I know how this game is played. Been doing this for about 60 years now — and I have no intentions of doing anything differently until the day I’m dropped in a hole and covered in dirt. Nobody truly likes a soft girly man…. No matter what others will tell you.